Well, if you've made it as far as my personal "About" page, I suppose you deserve something. Possibly, you deserve a psychiatric evaluation for your obsession or a restraining order for your stalking.
But let's start with this: I'm a gregarious introvert and an optimistic nihilist. I'm an Eagle Scout. I'm a Freemason and a Past Master of Glenview United Lodge #1058.
I was once allegedly described by my first wife as "a six-foot-two-inch tall, two-hundred-pound trained killer", but I'm barely five-foot-eight if I stand up very straight and you round the measurement in my favor. And, the last time I was only two hundred pounds was during my chemotherapy treatments for lymphoma. As for being a trained killer, well, I've had a lot of training, but none of it was to be a "killer". That takes more dedication than I have, really, and at best, I'm a motivated amateur who's entirely self-taught.
I'm considered by many to be a computer and technology expert, but opinions vary. In short, I’m a lot of things.
I’m a lot of things, but one of them is a Level 12 Perl Monk.
I’m also a husband, a son, a brother, a friend, a co-worker, a writer, a photographer, a geek, a spiritual seeker, an uncle, a godfather, a Past Master of my Masonic Lodge, and a bit of a philosopher. I have also been accused of being a cynic, a hypocrite, an optimist, a fool, a clown and many other things. It’s possible for me to be all of those things at the same time. As Walt Whitman would say, I am large, I contain multitudes. It’s part of the human condition.
For many years, my first blog, Diary of a Network Geek, was the number one hit on Google for the search terms “network geek’.
If you’re new here, you might want to read this.
This is my website. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My website is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my website is useless. Without my website, I am useless. I must code my website true. I must code straighter than my enemy, who is trying to beat my SEO. I must outrank him before he outranks me. I will!
My website and I know that what counts on the internet is not the posts we write, the noise of our social media presence, nor the number of pages we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will increase our hits!
My website is human, even as I am, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its accessories, its stats, and its coding. I will keep my website clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will!
Before God, I swear this creed. My website and I are the defenders of my internet presence. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until victory is displayed in my stats and Google ranking!
Okay, so this website is ONE of my personal spaces on the internet. Again, as Walt Whitman would say, I am large, I contain multitudes, which requires space. So, mostly, this website exists for my pleasure, amusement, and personal marketing purposes. Everything on the site is my opinion, thought, feeling, creation, or work, except where otherwise noted. Oh, well, except for any comments written by others, which are their opinions, etc. I have strong opinions, thoughts, and feelings. At times, you may not agree with these things or how I choose to express them. That’s okay. What’s not okay, however, is pissing and moaning about my thoughts, opinions, or feelings. I don’t have time for your bullshit. Seriously. Life is just way too short. If you want to complain about something, get your own website or blog and go at it. For the right money, I might even be persuaded to help you do just that. Keep in mind, though, that while I’m relatively easy, I am definitely not cheap.
Also, while I don’t generally go out of my way to offend anyone, you’re being offended is not a reason for me to stop writing as I choose. In fact, I may just find it encouraging that I’ve stirred up some emotions in you. It’s just how I am. I am not, however, necessarily fair, nice, kind, or patient with idiots, so you may want to take that into consideration before expressing your own strong opinions in the comments. And, yes, if comments are turned on, I will read the comments and participate in the comment threads.
In short, I run this site how I want, and you may not always be thrilled with how I do it, but that's kind of the price you pay when you come visit here. If you have something to say, feel free to pay for your own site, blog, or whatever, and say it there. I'm not actually under any obligation, legally or morally or even ethically, to reserve space on my site for you to express your thoughts and opinions. See what I mean about not necessarily being nice?
Oh, yes, one final thought, any links on this site may, or may not, take you to an affiliate from who I may, or may not, make some small amount of money if you buy whatever you clicked on. Don’t let that stop you, though, because this site isn’t free to me, even though it is to you. I can use whatever spare change you can incidentally throw my way, especially if you were already inclined to buy whatever was at the end of that link. Either way, you’ve been warned, so now it’s on you.
Still feel like you need to communicate directly with me? Then, email me here at me at jkhoffman dot com.